Wednesday, April 1, 2015

Humpday Listday: T5 Jokes Played On me

I'm not a huge prankster, although it seems like I would come by it naturally enough (back in the day Dad pretended he got his face smashed up and would still be in bandages when the big day came on April 17th, years later Mom got him back by calling him and saying she was in labor with me when I didn't actually arrive until the 19th...) but I have been the target of some pretty good pranks. Here are my 5 favorite:

5) In junior high, after an exhausting weekend at a youth group retreat, I fell SOUNDLY asleep on the bus on the way home (surprise, surprise....). And I happened to be sleeping with my head tipped back and my mouth wide open. After the youth group boys grew bored of their competition to see who could throw the most Froot Loops in my mouth (yes, they were hitting me in the face with cereal and I never woke up), Mark decided to stick a Cheeto in my know...he could. 

I continued to sleep. 

And breathe. 

When we got back to church I awoke to find a Cheeto CRUSTED to my tongue. It was disgusting. 

Unfortunately, I didn't find it funny at the time, but looking back on it I think it's hilarious. I mean, come on. I was a mouth breather. What did I expect?!?!?

4) Growing up in a small town and driving a rusted out conversion van without a grill gave us two reasons to never worry about anyone stealing our car. So we never locked it. 

And we mostly left the keys in it. 

In the ignition. 

So some of the high school boys thought it was hilarious to move it from the school parking lot to any number of nearby locations which were completely out of sight when you were standing in the school parking lot. So Hanah and I would come out of school after practice, sigh and roll our eyes and....start looking. Good one.

3) My dad LOVES to scare us. One of his most successful attempts occurred when I was a senior in high school. I was at the computer, which is on one end of the house, and was getting ready to go down the stairs - on the other end of the house - to go to bed. Dad heard me gathering my things and "hid" behind a pillar in the dining room ("hid" in quotes because he was over two times as thick as the pillar) where all the lights had already been turned off. Instead of jumping out in front of me, as most people would do, he waited for me to pass and grabbed me from behind.  I screamed, pushed him away and went to bed with adrenaline coursing through my body. 

As I laid there, completely unable to sleep on tht kind of adrealine high, I realized I had not turned the computer off. So back upstairs I went to shut things down. Dad heard me come back upstairs, got out of bed and "HID" BEHIND THE SAME PILLAR

Moments later I pass him, he grabs me from behind, I scream. 

Fool me once, shame on you.  Fool me twice...moments apart....with the same trick....shame. on. me.

2) My turn! One of my dad's other favorite tricks took place anytime he saw our headlights coming up the driveway. If the house was dark, which it often was in the evening, he would stand with his foot about 6 inches behind the door, facing the direction of the door handle so that when we came in from the garage with our mind on a million different things and the door opened a little and then stopped suddenly, we still couldn't see him standing behind it. Then, in that brief moment of surprise and confusion, he would reach around the door and grab our wrist which was usually still holding the doorknob. And more often than not we would scream. 

Well, one night, as I crested the hill in our driveway, I caught the last little glimpse of the lights being turned off. Gotcha!  I pulled into the garage like normal, but when I went to open the door, I turned the handle and sort of "threw" the door open, removing my hand from the knob. Sure enough, the door hit something solid and then The Hand came sweeping around the edge...and whiffed. 

And swept again. 


Finally his confused face came peeking around the edge to find me standing there feeling proud and triumphant. Not that I scared him or anything, but it sure was fun to beat him at his own game!

1) I actually have other stories, still, that I could tell about my dad.  He simply loves to startle us. But to this day, the best prank ever pulled on me was the infamous "Hiding of the Christmas Presents."  

One year before Christmas, Mark and Norm (I think it was Norm...seems right...but for sure Mark) were at our house hanging out with Hannah. I was not home.  The boys got the brilliant idea to go through all of the presents under the tree and hide all of mine so that when Christmas morning came and the presents were disbursed I had....none. After a few moments of confusion, Hannah informed me that I was to go find my presents. 

Sort of like an Easter egg hunt. 

At Christmas. 

And everyone else simply had their eggs handed to them. 

Thankfully Hannah knew where to locate a few of the strays that I had trouble finding, and I had grown up enough by this time to find it much, much funnier than the Cheeto incident, even in the moment. To this day, I LOVE hearing how Mark giggles any time this story comes up. Oh, brothers. 

Happy April Fool's Day!  If you're looking for me, you can find me trying to avoid my dad and Mark....