An Open Letter From an Israelite

Well friends, there will be no Thankful Thursday this week. The honest truth is that I have spent more time in the past week crying than thinking about what I have to be thankful for. My roommie is moving to Baltimore tomorrow and I am even sadder than I thought I would be (and I was prepared to be very, very sad). So, like the Israelite that I am, I choked down the manna of cool mornings and warm afternoons, fiery red trees and cloudless starry nights, long embraces from friends, hearty laughs with my sisters, sweet snuggles from my little poodle, and a strong assurance that I was chosen before the foundation of the world to stand holy and blameless before my righteous, faithful and sufficient God. And as every piece of grace rained down upon me, I grumbled over how unhappy I am with this new set of circumstances. I cried and cried....tears of sadness, tears of anger and even a few disgusting tears of self-pity.

Weeks like this are the exact reason I write my gratitude list in the first place - to turn my focus to the gifts I have received and away from the things I feel like I don't have (or in this case, feel like I am losing). But, in true human fashion, I clung to my sense of loss and discarded the very discipline that could help pull me out of my sorrow (with the exception of the weekend in KC with my family, which was a true blessing and great distraction for me....I kept a list for those couple of days and will tag it on to the front of next week's post).

I'm driving out to Baltimore with my roommie tomorrow. I am thankful for the opportunity to spend some time with her as a sweet cap to our two years together. I am thankful that I don't have to stand in the doorway and watch her drive away from our house for the last time. And I am thankful that my God is constant, ever-present and sufficient in every way.

If you want, you could join me in praying that I will be good company on the trip. In the past week, I have consistently withdrawn into my cocoon of sadness and have rarely made it more than 4 hours without crying. A real Debbie Downer, to be sure. I am praying for an extra measure of energy for the trip, a genuine excitement for the new things awaiting my dear friend and a depth of joy that can only come from Him and Him alone. All of these things require me to die to self which is not something I am particularly good at. I guess I'm asking to be broken and healed at the same time. And I trust that his Spirit is powerful and gracious enough to do just that.

Under Mercy,

Eva Joy